My name is Maggie, and I am the founder of The Inner Beauty Project. :) Currently, I am a college undergrad hoping to earn my degree in Human Services. I am aspiring to be either a rehabilitation specialist, therapist, or school counselor (I have not decided yet—eep!).
I myself suffered for years with an eating disorder, severe depression, self-injuring, and co-occuring mood disorders. After years of living in Hell through denying I had a problem to my friends and family, and refusing to participate in any therapy, I finally had enough. As a freshman in college, I had a terrifying realization: either I would continue living with my disorders and addictions and accept that the rest of my life would be a living hell, killing me slowly, OR I would make a conscious and terrifying decisions to change my destructive ways. To take responsibility for my recovery.
Recovering has been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. There were countless times when I felt like giving up, so drained by the demonic voice in my head telling me I was worth nothing if the scale didn’t show the “right” number. I was a slave to my eating disorder, to my self-loathing thoughts, and I didn’t think I’d ever come out of it alive.
Though I am still in recovery (it is a proccess I have learned I must be very patient with, as we don’t heal overnight), I am doing well. I am so much better than I used to be. Through therapy, and support from reaching out to others, and myself making an active effort to educate myself through tons of reading (psychology books, meditation books, philosophy books..etc), I have begun to rebuild my sense of self. I am learning I am more than the number on the scale. I am stronger than my eating disorder told me I was. I don’t need to be perfect to be happy. And, best of all, If I gain weight my life isn’t over.
Everyday is a battle, there is no magic fix to make depression and eating disorders disintegrate, but it is a battle I am no longer losing. I am winning. I am taking a proactive role in becoming the strong, inherently beautiful person I have always wanted to be. I am forgiving myself for the wrongs I have done to myself and others in the path. I am slowly unraveling the self-loathing voice in my head, deciphering it is, in fact, distorted. I am, in fact, worthy of love, of health, of happiness. And you are too. I am finally becoming the role model I have always wanted to be.
I am not perfect. I still have problems. But I am good enough. I have wonder inside of me that has absolutely nothing to do with what I look like.
“When people believe in themselves they have the first secret of success.” ~Norman Vincent Peale